The Nickel Faucet

I was going to tell you about eating at Saffron Indian Bistro, but first you have to hear today's story: the story of The Faucet.

So we’re at my OLD friend, Pat’s, for dinner last weekend, when she shows me her new kitchen faucet. She lives in a practically new house, and already she has had new countertops installed and a new faucet. She also has painted walls new colors and has new wall hangings. She’s into decorating. Her house is beautiful.

Pat raves about her new faucet. Buying this Polished Nickel Forte Model Faucet by Kohler With The Pull Down Sprayer is the best thing she’s ever done, maybe even better than marrying Her Man – no, probably not. Pat and My Man Who Knows What He Likes In All Things Having To Do With Design agree on what they consider tasteful. I have no taste. My house has all white walls. No curtains; white mini-blinds, and that was my doing, not The Man’s. It’s a good story though...

I have a friend of Danish heritage who had no curtains and white walls in all rooms of her two story farmhouse in New Berlin. I liked the simplicity of it. So one day I took down our HUGE and ugly living room drapes and rods, rolled them up in a ball and threw them on the floor of the garage. It took The Man With Taste, But Who Is Averse To Change a few days to notice this infringement upon his rights to decorate the house. Which was just enough time for me to drive my car over the drapes a few times. The Man grumbled when he noticed the change. And then he grumbled some more. I offered to have the drapes cleaned and reinstall them, but by then The Man didn’t insist. I think he too liked the simplicity. So there still are no curtains hanging anywhere in my house, except in The Man's office.

Anyway, it’s very unusual for me to have an opinion about decorating except that I don’t want to have an opinion. So here was Pat, the arbiter of good taste, telling me that her faucet was the best thing since lannon stone and now granite. So I took the faucet back to Home Depot that The Man and I had chosen. After returning it, I found out that Home Depot didn’t have one like Pat’s. Which, by the way, just happens to be an outrageous $200 more(!) expensive than the one we had chosen.

But now I had made up my mind. I wanted that Polished Nickel Forte Model Faucet by Kohler With The Pull Down Sprayer. The Home Depot guy sent me to a plumbing supply place in Waukesha called Schoenenwaterer, or some such. They didn’t have the Polished Nickel Forte Model Faucet by Kohler With The Pull Down Sprayer either, but they could order it and have it by Thursday – which is today. I ordered it. I paid for it. Did I also want the polished nickel soap dispenser and the air lock, she asked. Pat had raved about her soap dispenser as well, so I ordered that too (another $70 I think). I asked what the halumpka is an air lock. She asked if I had a dishwasher - duh! - like I’d put in granite countertops and not have a dishwasher - and she said this thingy is required by code. I ordered the polished nickel air lock too.

Today I had a Waukesha County Park and Planning Commission meeting at the county courthouse. On the way home – no, actually, I forgot and drove home before I remembered that I was to pick up the faucet in Waukesha on my way home. So I drove back to Schoennendrinkers or whatever, where they told me my faucet wasn’t in, but would be in tomorrow. And that the soap dispenser would not be in until Monday.

I will be in Africa trying to avoid becoming lion snacks by Monday. We leave on Saturday. I have several sizes of luggage and mosquito repellent and Janet Evanovich books strewn all over my bed. Like I have time tomorrow to run back to Schookindingers.

So WHY, you are thinking, didn’t I just tell Elizabeth, the super kitchen designer at Cabinet Werks, to find the faucet I want? I have no answer to that, except that I’m not used to having slaves I can boss around. At this point my blood pressure is 392 over 260, and I don’t give a rip if we ever have a sink, let alone the Polished Nickel Forte Model Faucet by Kohler With The Pull Down Sprayer.

Kitchenless in Brookfield