APPLEBEE'S

I’ve discovered that electricity is a major issue when kitchenless. This is the first weekend we’ve suffered with no kitchen. Okay, “suffered” is strong. But I sure made a mess of making coffee. I do not share coffee tastes with The Man Who Can Drink Caffeine At Any Hour But Likes Weak Coffee. Thus I brew decaf expresso for me and brown water with a shot of caffeine for The Man. But both coffee pots now take turns plugging into one extension cord. So I moved the expresso machine across the room to the bay windowsill near another outlet. In the move, I must have wiggled the little pot into which it brews. Then I walked away to create the rest of our breakfast. By the time I looked back, there was coffee spewing in all directions, on the windows, the carpet and puddles on the wood surface of the bay windowsill.

The rest of breakfast was waffles and bacon. Not exactly served together however. I cooked the bacon, as I usually do, in the microwave. The frozen, whole wheat, cinnamon waffles said you should make in a toaster oven. The problem: my $29 microwave and my borrowed toaster oven and the refrigerator are now all on the same circuit in the sunroom. You can see where this is going... The refrigerator turned on while heating the waffles and bacon and – blooey! No power. We had a very gracious breakfast of separate courses: first bacon, ten minutes later, waffles. After I found the jar of maple syrup in a box behind the bar in the rec room. And after cleaning up the coffee disaster. Next weekend – Panera’s.

But I know that what you really came to read is the restaurant review. At about 8 PM last night, we went to Applebee’s for dinner. Again we were about the only people over forty eating out at that hour. Kinda fun to be out with the hip and trendy crowd every night.

I applied the lesson I learned at Pano’s Char House: when everyone else is drinking beer, do not order wine. I ordered a huge, 16 oz bottle of Hacker Pschorr. Weiss beer with a lemon – yum. Applebee’s giant menu shows drool-enhancing pictures to tempt you to order luscious, gooey stuff, like mashed potatoes smothered in bacon and mountains of cheese. The Beef Eater Man went back true to form and ordered a bacon cheeseburger ($6.99), preceded by a bowl of onion soup. Mr. Gourmet Man declared the burger was “even better than McDonald’s” – high praise indeed. It had a charcoal grilled taste, plenty of cheese and a crisp bun. His onion soup was also good, though he affirmed it was not as good as my homemade onion soup. (The Man is not stupid.)

After much agony of indecision, I ordered the Cajun lime tilapia ($8.99) and a side caesar salad. I like fish and seldom cook it at home, to avoid gagging noises from The Man Who Is Seafood Adverse. Well... What did I think “Cajun” meant? Wow! The fish was cooked to perfection (I think), but the spices rubbed on all surfaces rendered it about 500 degrees beyond my palette. I tried to scrape them off. I nibbled in the middle. I thanked the gods of malt and hops for 16 oz of cold beer. I nibbled a bite of fish, slugged down some beer, and quickly ate some of the delicious vegetables that came with the fish. I ate all the vegetables. And all the beer. I downed my caesar salad, even though it was swimming in dressing and had dry croutons, but at least the romaine lettuce was cool.

Bathroom review: close to disgusting at this busy time. The large, under-counter waste container had run over, so women were throwing their paper towels in a heap in a corner. To Applebee’s credit, when I told our waitress of the problem, someone went in quickly to clean it up.

My opinion on this issue: women wash their hands. Busy places should assign someone to empty the waste container OFTEN. A messy bathroom turns me off of the entire establishment.

With clean bathrooms, though
Kitchenless in Brookfield